There is an old story about the wind and the sun. The wind claims superiority over the sun in every way possible. The sun then says "Okay, I challenge you to a contest. You have to make that man you see over there take off his coat." The wind accepts this challenge and proceeds to blow wind on the man to make him remove his coat. But it only causes the man to pull his coat more tightly around his body. The wind sees this, and then just starts blowing wind much harder on the man. The sun then sighs (you know how suns are sometimes) and shines as brightly as possible. The man, feeling much warmth then decides it is time to remove his coat. The moral of the story is that understanding what you are up against is the real problem solver. The amount of effort, although also important, will accomplish nothing if headed in the wrong direction. This is a very important lesson among many others in one of the best books that I have ever read called Beyond Fear.
Beyond Fear is a book written by Bruce Schneier. Basically, it's all about security. It gives facts about what is the best form of security and how to obtain it. In this post 9/11 world, this is a very important topic. Unfortunately, we fail to understand how best to obtain good security, and yes, sometimes we are the wind. Schneier comments that the two major priorities are that we must be safe, but that also we must feel safe. These two do not work together completely, sometimes they don't work together at all. Sometimes you may feel safe but all the while are not safe at all. If you want an example look at all of the quite humorous footage of people doing the "duck and cover" method to avoid death from a nuclear attack. Also, sometimes you may feel unsafe but all the while you are very safe from whatever you are afraid of. I would give an example but I can't think of one besides global warming. So, this is something that every employee of the CIA, FBI, DHS, etc. should understand very well, right? Well, isn't this something that even you should understand too? Because, regardless of the fact that your name isn't Jack Bauer, this still is a concept that you should be very familiar with. So how can one know whether a proposed security initiative is worth it? For that answer, I have the five questions that must be asked in order to decide. Here they are.
1. What are you trying to protect?
2. What are the risks to what you are trying to protect?
3. How does this "solution" mitigate those risks?
4. Does this "solution" cause any more risks?
5. What are the trade-offs to this "solution"?
An example of this may be in order. As I just mentioned, this is a concept that everyone should understand. To an extent, you probably have already asked yourself these five questions. EVEN TODAY!!!! Take for instance, brushing your teeth (hopefully a daily experience for you).
1. What are you trying to protect?
protection of teeth and gums. Maybe even protection against bad breath.
2. What are the risks to what you are trying to protect?
Gingivitis, plaque, tartar, teeth just simply falling out, etc.
3. How does this "solution" mitigate those risks?
Very well, actually. I doubt you'll soon find any dentist who disagrees.
4. Does this "solution" cause any more risks?
Well, the truth is that many people do brush too hard, which isn't good. Besides that, nothing serious as far as I know.
5. What are the trade-offs to this "solution"?
The cost is minimal, and so is the time it takes.
After looking at each answer to the proposal of brushing teeth, it should be obvious that brushing teeth is very much worth it. After looking at these five questions, one should be able to have a clear understanding of the best form of security for any security initiative. When I was growing up in Ankeny, IA (a suburb of Des Moines) we did fire drills and tornado drills in school. In other parts of the country, earthquake drills are more appropriate.
Beyond Fear asks us to use our head, not our heart. It demands us to act on what we know to be afraid of instead of what our instinct tells us to be afraid of. So, what was the best way to handle the aftermath of 9/11? Was it to close down all flights for a certain period of time? In this country, 40,000 people die every year due to automobile accidents. Many others have severe injuries. By all accounts, it is much safer to fly than to drive. However, who wanted to fly? I didn't. Likewise, during the sniper crisis in the D.C. area people were afraid of being shot instead of being killed in a car accident. Another interesting fact is that more people have been killed by pigs than by sharks. Who would have ever guessed that we, as humans, should be more afraid of pigs than sharks?
This society that we live in demands security on a daily (or even hourly) basis. The biggest reason for this is that technology has vastly expanded our lifestyle. For instance, let's say there's a store owner in Philadelphia in the 1600's. This fictional store owner is the only person who works in the store. This store owner has to worry about robbers coming into his or her store and stealing his or her stuff. The owner also should worry about the store being burned down. Lastly, the owner has to worry about selling enough goods and services to stay in business. Call me crazy, but that seems to be the limit of the store owner's concerns. Now let's fast-forward to Wal-Mart, Target, Safeway whatever you want. Along with what the store owner has to deal with, these businesses have to worry about embezzlement, credit and debit card fraud, bad checks, counterfeit products, etc. Since these are chains, these shopping locations' problems are increased drastically. Not to mention the Internet! These chains also provide the opportunity to buy from the Internet, without ever leaving the home. What all of this means is that these companies have many more targets with a bullseye attached to themselves than the lone store owner ever had. But, remember, the most secure solutions are not always the best. Customers who go to buy something get mad when credit or debit is not accepted, and that's not good for business. However, they do like to see video cameras making sure that shoplifters have another obstacle to get through.
One way to resolve this problem is to have multiple obstacles for one to breach security. An example that Schneier makes is in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. In order to get the Sorcerer's Stone, the Three-headed dog named Fluffy, the chessmatch, the riddle to make the potion, and the desire to have the stone but not use it were all obstacles to having the Sorcerer's Stone. Likewise, some safes have both a combination and a keyhole that must be used.
As mentioned before, the CIA, FBI, DHS, and many others are forced to know and understand this concept inside and out. There is however, one other group of people who may understand this even better than anyone else. You can find them in Las Vegas and they make sure that when the day is done, their casino has as much money left over as possible. You may have heard about the six MIT students who went to Vegas and left with $3 million because they knew how to play the game blackjack. Because of what they did, they will never be able to be in a casino ever again. A person's walk is as identifiable as a fingerprint, a person's reaction to winning big is completely evaluated by "the eyes in the sky" to see if it's a genuine win, or if it's staged, and these people in charge of security in a casino know how to keep the cash flowing their way.
When it's all said and done, this is a fantastic book. Anyone unaware of the concept should read this ASAP. As with almost anything, there is however one criticism worth mentioning. In the beginning of the book, Schneier talks about 9/11. I don't remember what he says exactly, but he almost speaks about the day in a positive light. More or less, he tells us that it showed us fantastically that security was sub par that day. It's just that he used the wrong wording in my opinion.
Does this mean that if we understand everything to this, that will solve all our problems? Of course not. Sin is as constant as gravity. There will continue to be murders, thefts, and so on. In fact, with this increasingly complicated world, it may only get worse. But this book encompasses the vast subject of security and how best to obtain it. And because of this book, among many other reasons, I am so bright that my parents call me sun. That was funny wasn't it?
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Asperger's Syndrome
"You're a wizard Harry."
-Rubeus Hagrid
"Ryan, you have Asperger's Syndrome."
-Dr. Lelwica
So, as you can see, this is another post about Asperger's Syndrome (AS). What is so great about having AS? What is not so great about having AS? Everything. When I fully realized my condition, I found it comparable to when Harry Potter finds out that he's a wizard. Over the course of his life, he discovered some bizarre, inexplicable events, such as a disappearing glass wall, a snake that speaks to him, etc. For the most part, he brushes these absurdities off, having no clue why they happened. Then, things become clear when Rubeus tells him that Harry is a wizard. Likewise, when I was growing up, there were vast differences between myself and EVERYONE else. Something strange would take place, and I had no clue how to explain it. One of my all-time memories was Mr. Hey, our Chemistry Teacher asked us what the speed of light is. I think that he wanted us to say "It 's how fast light travels." But, I told him it was 186,000 miles per second. After he confirmed that I was right, I had a lot of weird glances in my direction. I just considered it something impressive, certainly not a result from some disorder. Another moment was my Math Teacher Mr. Mashek asked us to solve a math problem. I told him how I would do it and he looked at me and smiled. I asked him if that work, and he responded yes. And he told me in his entire 30 years of teaching no student of his has ever said that. Again, I just considered it something impressive about me. So those two events in my life were my own "glass wall disappearing" and "snake speaking" memories. Later on in life I started seeing a therapist named Dr. Mike Lelwica. After taking numerous tests, he diagnosed me with Asperger's Syndrome. Eventually, I realized that that was my own event when Rubeus Hagrid plopped down on the couch and told me that I'm a wizard. That I am different.
There is much about this subject, much of which will not be discussed in this post. One thing is that communication with neurotypical people can be difficult. I used to be very poor at making eye contact, but that is a problem of the past. Also, I don't understand very well what people's own opinion is of me. Of course, if they tell me, then that's very helpful, but besides that, things can get extremely ambiguous. These differences in me are as real as anything. Some people do not believe so. I'm not offended by that because I know that they are wrong. One of my favorite tv shows is Rescue Me starring Denis Leary. In a book he wrote, he said some harsh things about autism. This is what he said.
"There is a huge boom in autism right now because inattentive mothers and competitive dads want an explanation for why their dumb-ass kids can't compete academically, so they throw money into the happy laps of shrinks... to get back diagnoses that help explain away the deficiencies of their junior morons. I don't (care) what these crackerjack whack jobs tell you — your kid is not autistic. He's just stupid. Or lazy. Or both."
After some people cried foul, Leary apologized to any parents with autistic children. Whether he meant it is a different story. It is possible that Leary has a point, that autism is overdiagnosed and that often the real solution is to not diagnose autism. The reason why I'm not offended by what he said is because I know that my diagnosis of AS was not caused by an inattentive mother, a competitive dad (whatever that means), stupidity or laziness. My diagnosis was caused by the fact that I have AS.
Speaking of tv shows, one "relief" that I have for autism is to watch television. One thing that I really love is to analyze people's own personalities on tv, see what they are like, and then I understand people better. "SPOILER WARNING" Another great tv show I watch is The Office. One thing I have noticed about the great Michael Scott is that he has too much wishful thinking sometimes. He was completely dead-set that he would get the job replacing Jan, and that blew up in his face. Then, when Jan brought her newborn baby to work, beforehand Michael declared "This is going to be the happiest day of my life." It really wasn't. Those two events demonstrate that Michael's incompetence results in wishful thinking at times. The writers for this show, just like the writers for all shows completely get it. I also use this in my real life too. I can measure somewhat accurately, a person's sense of humor or lackthereof. I can anticipate a person's reaction to something, and it greatly helps.
Another symptom of AS that is common is the lack of "initial success." We don't do a good job of getting things right the first time we try something, whether it's something simple to do on a computer, driving, etc. At first this seems to be something that neurotypical people have as well, and that's partly true. But, Dr. Lars Perner has stated that he had to change his entire career plans because of this one silly thing. At first, he wanted to become a lawyer, and as a lawyer in the courtroom you have to know exactly how to respond in the courtroom no matter what takes place. That's not the job for Dr. Perner, or myself.
On the other hand, one of the greatest benefits of AS is an amazingly good memory. For those of you who know me, if you ever ask me to show you how many places of pi I have memorized, you will not believe what I can do. I can remember when I first met almost any and every person I know, except for my parents of course. Likewise, this helps when I watch television and see how storylines develop. It's because of this that I believe people with AS have brains that work like computers much more than neurotypical people. People with AS have a very large hard drive to store data because of their good memory. Because of our lack of "initial success" we also need to be "programmed" to do things right.
There are however, some symptoms of AS that have been stated that I do not possess. Dr. Perner mentions that he is incapable of teamwork, because of his poor communication skills. This is a problem that I used to have, but when there is proper communication in a team, I think that I am very capable of fitting in. When I did sports in high school, I only did sports that did not require "team communication." Cross country, wrestling and track are all accomplished by the individual, not the team. When I was competing, I NEVER communicated with my own teammates . However, I think that that's not the reason why I did the sports that I did. I can't sprint fast, so basketball is out of the question. I was influenced by my older brother to be in CC, so I didn't do football, and baseball is for people who are lazy. And I don't necessarily have a good excuse for soccer except that I didn't like it when I was too young. I know I ran on a tangent, sorry. Another symtom of AS is the fact that I can hide my condition. People with AS tend to have poor communication, poor speech, etc. I think that I have a healthy enough social life to seem neurotypical, which is very good.
All my life I have found certain individuals fascinating. Sometimes I read books about famous people, living or dead, just because I'm a fan. Now I didn't find out that I have AS until I was 21 years old. By that time, I had grown very fond of some well-known people. Not coincidentally, they very much fit the type of people who have AS. Let me name a few. Thomas Jefferson, Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawking, Stephen Spielberg, Bill Gates, and Sir Isaac Newton are just a few. Ironically at first, one might suggest that I was only choosing rich people. Let it be known that I have never been that interested in Warren Buffett. I'm sure that he's worth admiring, it's just that I find the aforementioned men more interesting. I hope that none of you are offended that all of the people I have stated are men. If I recall, AS people are roughly 80% men and 20% women. There is another man who fits into this category. So much so that I have read his book. He is both an interesting and simultaneously a despicable individual. His name was Adolph Hitler. Hitler wanted to be a painter when he was younger. From what I have seen and heard, he could have become a great artist. People with AS are very visual (some claim Andy Warhol had AS.) Hitler was also a daydreamer. I read his book Mein Kampf sometime ago, and when I put everything together, I do truly think that he may have had AS. The truth is that he was the most evil SOB that this world has ever seen. Why did this man who certainly had some sort of mental difficulty become a monster? More than anything, I believe it was caused due to the atrocities that he went through during his time as a soldier in World War I. It completely overwhelmed him mentally and you know what happened after that. So there have been many well-known figures who I have been interested in, and I truly do believe that they fit the type of person who had AS. Albert Einstein was able to do things with his mind that no one else could. Does that come from a mind that works just like everyone else's or from a mind that nobody understands? You make the call.
In conclusion, I would be lying if I told you that my condition of AS is no big deal. But I would also be lying if I told you that I haven't become better over time, and that I don't continue to make improvements of myself. If I had the choice to be neurotypical, I would choose to stay the way that I am. After all, no neurotypical brain will ever stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Einstein.
-Rubeus Hagrid
"Ryan, you have Asperger's Syndrome."
-Dr. Lelwica
So, as you can see, this is another post about Asperger's Syndrome (AS). What is so great about having AS? What is not so great about having AS? Everything. When I fully realized my condition, I found it comparable to when Harry Potter finds out that he's a wizard. Over the course of his life, he discovered some bizarre, inexplicable events, such as a disappearing glass wall, a snake that speaks to him, etc. For the most part, he brushes these absurdities off, having no clue why they happened. Then, things become clear when Rubeus tells him that Harry is a wizard. Likewise, when I was growing up, there were vast differences between myself and EVERYONE else. Something strange would take place, and I had no clue how to explain it. One of my all-time memories was Mr. Hey, our Chemistry Teacher asked us what the speed of light is. I think that he wanted us to say "It 's how fast light travels." But, I told him it was 186,000 miles per second. After he confirmed that I was right, I had a lot of weird glances in my direction. I just considered it something impressive, certainly not a result from some disorder. Another moment was my Math Teacher Mr. Mashek asked us to solve a math problem. I told him how I would do it and he looked at me and smiled. I asked him if that work, and he responded yes. And he told me in his entire 30 years of teaching no student of his has ever said that. Again, I just considered it something impressive about me. So those two events in my life were my own "glass wall disappearing" and "snake speaking" memories. Later on in life I started seeing a therapist named Dr. Mike Lelwica. After taking numerous tests, he diagnosed me with Asperger's Syndrome. Eventually, I realized that that was my own event when Rubeus Hagrid plopped down on the couch and told me that I'm a wizard. That I am different.
There is much about this subject, much of which will not be discussed in this post. One thing is that communication with neurotypical people can be difficult. I used to be very poor at making eye contact, but that is a problem of the past. Also, I don't understand very well what people's own opinion is of me. Of course, if they tell me, then that's very helpful, but besides that, things can get extremely ambiguous. These differences in me are as real as anything. Some people do not believe so. I'm not offended by that because I know that they are wrong. One of my favorite tv shows is Rescue Me starring Denis Leary. In a book he wrote, he said some harsh things about autism. This is what he said.
"There is a huge boom in autism right now because inattentive mothers and competitive dads want an explanation for why their dumb-ass kids can't compete academically, so they throw money into the happy laps of shrinks... to get back diagnoses that help explain away the deficiencies of their junior morons. I don't (care) what these crackerjack whack jobs tell you — your kid is not autistic. He's just stupid. Or lazy. Or both."
After some people cried foul, Leary apologized to any parents with autistic children. Whether he meant it is a different story. It is possible that Leary has a point, that autism is overdiagnosed and that often the real solution is to not diagnose autism. The reason why I'm not offended by what he said is because I know that my diagnosis of AS was not caused by an inattentive mother, a competitive dad (whatever that means), stupidity or laziness. My diagnosis was caused by the fact that I have AS.
Speaking of tv shows, one "relief" that I have for autism is to watch television. One thing that I really love is to analyze people's own personalities on tv, see what they are like, and then I understand people better. "SPOILER WARNING" Another great tv show I watch is The Office. One thing I have noticed about the great Michael Scott is that he has too much wishful thinking sometimes. He was completely dead-set that he would get the job replacing Jan, and that blew up in his face. Then, when Jan brought her newborn baby to work, beforehand Michael declared "This is going to be the happiest day of my life." It really wasn't. Those two events demonstrate that Michael's incompetence results in wishful thinking at times. The writers for this show, just like the writers for all shows completely get it. I also use this in my real life too. I can measure somewhat accurately, a person's sense of humor or lackthereof. I can anticipate a person's reaction to something, and it greatly helps.
Another symptom of AS that is common is the lack of "initial success." We don't do a good job of getting things right the first time we try something, whether it's something simple to do on a computer, driving, etc. At first this seems to be something that neurotypical people have as well, and that's partly true. But, Dr. Lars Perner has stated that he had to change his entire career plans because of this one silly thing. At first, he wanted to become a lawyer, and as a lawyer in the courtroom you have to know exactly how to respond in the courtroom no matter what takes place. That's not the job for Dr. Perner, or myself.
On the other hand, one of the greatest benefits of AS is an amazingly good memory. For those of you who know me, if you ever ask me to show you how many places of pi I have memorized, you will not believe what I can do. I can remember when I first met almost any and every person I know, except for my parents of course. Likewise, this helps when I watch television and see how storylines develop. It's because of this that I believe people with AS have brains that work like computers much more than neurotypical people. People with AS have a very large hard drive to store data because of their good memory. Because of our lack of "initial success" we also need to be "programmed" to do things right.
There are however, some symptoms of AS that have been stated that I do not possess. Dr. Perner mentions that he is incapable of teamwork, because of his poor communication skills. This is a problem that I used to have, but when there is proper communication in a team, I think that I am very capable of fitting in. When I did sports in high school, I only did sports that did not require "team communication." Cross country, wrestling and track are all accomplished by the individual, not the team. When I was competing, I NEVER communicated with my own teammates . However, I think that that's not the reason why I did the sports that I did. I can't sprint fast, so basketball is out of the question. I was influenced by my older brother to be in CC, so I didn't do football, and baseball is for people who are lazy. And I don't necessarily have a good excuse for soccer except that I didn't like it when I was too young. I know I ran on a tangent, sorry. Another symtom of AS is the fact that I can hide my condition. People with AS tend to have poor communication, poor speech, etc. I think that I have a healthy enough social life to seem neurotypical, which is very good.
All my life I have found certain individuals fascinating. Sometimes I read books about famous people, living or dead, just because I'm a fan. Now I didn't find out that I have AS until I was 21 years old. By that time, I had grown very fond of some well-known people. Not coincidentally, they very much fit the type of people who have AS. Let me name a few. Thomas Jefferson, Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawking, Stephen Spielberg, Bill Gates, and Sir Isaac Newton are just a few. Ironically at first, one might suggest that I was only choosing rich people. Let it be known that I have never been that interested in Warren Buffett. I'm sure that he's worth admiring, it's just that I find the aforementioned men more interesting. I hope that none of you are offended that all of the people I have stated are men. If I recall, AS people are roughly 80% men and 20% women. There is another man who fits into this category. So much so that I have read his book. He is both an interesting and simultaneously a despicable individual. His name was Adolph Hitler. Hitler wanted to be a painter when he was younger. From what I have seen and heard, he could have become a great artist. People with AS are very visual (some claim Andy Warhol had AS.) Hitler was also a daydreamer. I read his book Mein Kampf sometime ago, and when I put everything together, I do truly think that he may have had AS. The truth is that he was the most evil SOB that this world has ever seen. Why did this man who certainly had some sort of mental difficulty become a monster? More than anything, I believe it was caused due to the atrocities that he went through during his time as a soldier in World War I. It completely overwhelmed him mentally and you know what happened after that. So there have been many well-known figures who I have been interested in, and I truly do believe that they fit the type of person who had AS. Albert Einstein was able to do things with his mind that no one else could. Does that come from a mind that works just like everyone else's or from a mind that nobody understands? You make the call.
In conclusion, I would be lying if I told you that my condition of AS is no big deal. But I would also be lying if I told you that I haven't become better over time, and that I don't continue to make improvements of myself. If I had the choice to be neurotypical, I would choose to stay the way that I am. After all, no neurotypical brain will ever stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Einstein.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
The Chicago Marathon of 2009
"He has probably lived a more exciting life than I have."
-Dave Libby
So, it has been sometime since I did the Chicago Marathon. It took place on October 11th, 2009. I ran 26.2 miles with roughly 33,000 people. It was one of the best days of my entire life. For those of you who have no clue what it's like, you feel pretty good about things when you cross that finish line. I first started thinking about doing the Chicago Marathon literally the day after I finished the Des Moines Marathon of 2008. When I had done the race in 2008, I had a painful experience that diminished my performance significantly. The constant striking of my feet on the ground really got to me, so much so that I remember coming to the 19 mile mark, feeling like I was running on nails, and I finally stopped and walked. I then proceeded to walk and jog, walk and jog to the finish. As I was doing this I was frustrated, and I knew that I was not reaching my full potential. That's what motivated me to do another Marathon. There were two facts that motivated me to do the Marathon in Chicago. One was the fact that it's CHICAGO, and the other was my Mother. My Mother has an unbelievably bad habit of overparenting. After my race in Des Moines, she gave every opinion that she has from her sorry excuse for experience in athleticism to let me know what she thinks about how I should do things. I can tolerate a lot of things, but I don't tolerate people patronizing me. So I registered for the Chicago Marathon because sometimes she's an idiot. I registered on the day of the Super Bowl on February 1st, 2009. I then proceeded to train as best as I could for about eight months. I hit a challenge during the summer. I sweat a lot, and my body simply cannot push itself due to the dryness of my body. So, I bought a Camelbak. I don't know if you're familiar with them, but it's basically a backpack that holds fluid. I remember reaching Ansborough Avenue, just right next to Northland Lubricants, and I emptied that sucker. The benefit of having the Camelbak was not just from rehydration, but also that having it added some weight that I carried that I would not carry during the actual race. I remember having a few frustrating moments during my training. One thing to understand is that a really good run involved me running as long as two and a half hours. During that time you NEED a motivational tool. That tool can come in the form of another runner(s) running with you. But my motivation came from my Ipod, with music to keep me pushing myself for so long. After these very exhausting runs, my legs were quite sore. I received an e-mail from the Chicago Marathon saying that one way to recover is to take a cold shower/bath to reduce the swelling of your body. Because of that I would bathe with ice made from freezing water in gallon-sized ziploc bags. I still remember feeling my thighs afterwards, still somewhat cold. It was awesome! Unfortunately, in the few weeks before the Chicago Marathon, I got some bad shin splints. I had to buy some gel pads to put in my shoes to cushion the blow when I strike the ground. It was too early to buy new shoes, which would have only made it worse. So I drove all the way to Evanston, IL from Cedar Falls on Friday October 9th. I then took the El to my friends place, Jacob Whalen. The day after that I got to my Cousin's place, and he lived closer to the race than I could have ever asked him to. Thank God for Philip's proximity to Grant Park! The day before the race on Saturday I remember getting a bit of a headache. My only guess is that it was caused by the fact that my cousin's apartment was on the 29th floor. I remember going on a bit of a jog on the street, seeing people everywhere. And then I started to pray. I prayed to God that he would make this as good of an experience for me as possible. Also, on Saturday, Philip drove me to McCormick Place to receive my bib, my chip, and some goodies. Martine, Philip's wife, fixed us pizza for supper and then I fell asleep. I woke up at about 4:30 a.m. I looked at the wonderful view of Chicago, which included some of the river. As I recall, my headache was completely gone. Then, I started to pray for the other runners too. I never looked at the other runners as rivals, more as companions. They motivated me to keep plugging away the same way that I motivated them to plug away too. It's because of this that I never really cared about my place that I finished NEARLY as much as my actual time. I walked to the start of the race, and in no time it was PACKED. I guess that's what happens when 46,000 people congregate together. It was cold outside roughly at about 30-35 degrees Fahrenheit. I managed to get much further in the start of the race by hopping over the fence to the beginning. And then, we started to move at about 7:30 a.m. As mentioned before, in Des Moines I was upset due to the pain in my feet. To take care of that, I lathered the bottom of my feet with lubrication, and it became a nonissue. For the first 15 miles or so, I had a quite constant pace of about 8 minute miles. Then, I kind of slowed down. My first 5K was about 25 minutes and my last was about 30 minutes. I remember as I was nearing the end, my thighs felt like concrete. I crossed the finish line and it was a beautiful day. I walked forever, grabbing an aluminum sheet to wrap around my body to keep my body heat. I was offered a beer, which did not taste well, so it was quickly discarded. And then I finally got to my gear check. I grabbed some altoids, and drank some water. It felt good. Then, I grabbed my cellphone and sent a text message to as many friends as it would allow (10). My message said as follows.
It looks like today is going to be another great day. Clock time 3:44.
I then walked more and more, and then finally I got to my cousin's apartment. I took a bit of a rest, and then I took the subway to Evanston, and I finally arrived back home at about 1a.m. There was an e-mail I got from Bank of America that claimed the event attracts a whopping 1,500,000 spectators. After having done that event, I suppose that that figure is possible. One memorable spectator that I saw at roughly the 17 mile mark had a sign that said to us "Release your inner Kenyan". For those of you who don't know, the last seven Chicago Marathons have been won by someone from Kenya. My first thought when I saw that was something like "Easy for you to say, jerk." So, it has been a good two months since that day. What has happened since then? I've given my body a rest. I tried to change my ways, growing some facial hair just to celebrate, working on an enormous lego set of the volkswagon beetle, etc. I am not interested in doing another marathon next year. It is my intention to move on to other things in my life. To have a healthier social life and to excel in my career. Someday, I'd like to start a family and prove myself. Having done this race, I am capable of rising up to almost any challenge that life throws at me. For those of you who think that we're nuts, you have a point. But, simultaneously, when you cross that finish line, it's a feeling unlike any other. One dissapointment that I have in my life is my academic performance at Iowa State University. During my time as a student, I was not confident in myself. It hurt my GPA, I didn't have as great of an experience as I would have liked, and that's a shame. But, more recently, I faced this challenge of 26.2 miles without even a microgram of fear. Because of this, I am more proud of my performance in the Chicago Marathon than I am of my performance as an Iowa State student. In the beginning of this post I have a quote from a man named Dave Libby. I knew Dave from work. The thing about him was that he had a striking resemblance to the actor Sean Connery. I told him that and he smiled, saying that he has heard that before. And then Dave told me that Sean Connery has probably lived a more exciting life than he has. When I look at what he said, I think to myself that I don't want to feel that way about my life. I want to have enough happy memories in my life. Call me crazy, but crossing that finish line on October 11th, 2009 will always be one of them.
Youtube video of the start of the race.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBL4elz-yi8
-Dave Libby
So, it has been sometime since I did the Chicago Marathon. It took place on October 11th, 2009. I ran 26.2 miles with roughly 33,000 people. It was one of the best days of my entire life. For those of you who have no clue what it's like, you feel pretty good about things when you cross that finish line. I first started thinking about doing the Chicago Marathon literally the day after I finished the Des Moines Marathon of 2008. When I had done the race in 2008, I had a painful experience that diminished my performance significantly. The constant striking of my feet on the ground really got to me, so much so that I remember coming to the 19 mile mark, feeling like I was running on nails, and I finally stopped and walked. I then proceeded to walk and jog, walk and jog to the finish. As I was doing this I was frustrated, and I knew that I was not reaching my full potential. That's what motivated me to do another Marathon. There were two facts that motivated me to do the Marathon in Chicago. One was the fact that it's CHICAGO, and the other was my Mother. My Mother has an unbelievably bad habit of overparenting. After my race in Des Moines, she gave every opinion that she has from her sorry excuse for experience in athleticism to let me know what she thinks about how I should do things. I can tolerate a lot of things, but I don't tolerate people patronizing me. So I registered for the Chicago Marathon because sometimes she's an idiot. I registered on the day of the Super Bowl on February 1st, 2009. I then proceeded to train as best as I could for about eight months. I hit a challenge during the summer. I sweat a lot, and my body simply cannot push itself due to the dryness of my body. So, I bought a Camelbak. I don't know if you're familiar with them, but it's basically a backpack that holds fluid. I remember reaching Ansborough Avenue, just right next to Northland Lubricants, and I emptied that sucker. The benefit of having the Camelbak was not just from rehydration, but also that having it added some weight that I carried that I would not carry during the actual race. I remember having a few frustrating moments during my training. One thing to understand is that a really good run involved me running as long as two and a half hours. During that time you NEED a motivational tool. That tool can come in the form of another runner(s) running with you. But my motivation came from my Ipod, with music to keep me pushing myself for so long. After these very exhausting runs, my legs were quite sore. I received an e-mail from the Chicago Marathon saying that one way to recover is to take a cold shower/bath to reduce the swelling of your body. Because of that I would bathe with ice made from freezing water in gallon-sized ziploc bags. I still remember feeling my thighs afterwards, still somewhat cold. It was awesome! Unfortunately, in the few weeks before the Chicago Marathon, I got some bad shin splints. I had to buy some gel pads to put in my shoes to cushion the blow when I strike the ground. It was too early to buy new shoes, which would have only made it worse. So I drove all the way to Evanston, IL from Cedar Falls on Friday October 9th. I then took the El to my friends place, Jacob Whalen. The day after that I got to my Cousin's place, and he lived closer to the race than I could have ever asked him to. Thank God for Philip's proximity to Grant Park! The day before the race on Saturday I remember getting a bit of a headache. My only guess is that it was caused by the fact that my cousin's apartment was on the 29th floor. I remember going on a bit of a jog on the street, seeing people everywhere. And then I started to pray. I prayed to God that he would make this as good of an experience for me as possible. Also, on Saturday, Philip drove me to McCormick Place to receive my bib, my chip, and some goodies. Martine, Philip's wife, fixed us pizza for supper and then I fell asleep. I woke up at about 4:30 a.m. I looked at the wonderful view of Chicago, which included some of the river. As I recall, my headache was completely gone. Then, I started to pray for the other runners too. I never looked at the other runners as rivals, more as companions. They motivated me to keep plugging away the same way that I motivated them to plug away too. It's because of this that I never really cared about my place that I finished NEARLY as much as my actual time. I walked to the start of the race, and in no time it was PACKED. I guess that's what happens when 46,000 people congregate together. It was cold outside roughly at about 30-35 degrees Fahrenheit. I managed to get much further in the start of the race by hopping over the fence to the beginning. And then, we started to move at about 7:30 a.m. As mentioned before, in Des Moines I was upset due to the pain in my feet. To take care of that, I lathered the bottom of my feet with lubrication, and it became a nonissue. For the first 15 miles or so, I had a quite constant pace of about 8 minute miles. Then, I kind of slowed down. My first 5K was about 25 minutes and my last was about 30 minutes. I remember as I was nearing the end, my thighs felt like concrete. I crossed the finish line and it was a beautiful day. I walked forever, grabbing an aluminum sheet to wrap around my body to keep my body heat. I was offered a beer, which did not taste well, so it was quickly discarded. And then I finally got to my gear check. I grabbed some altoids, and drank some water. It felt good. Then, I grabbed my cellphone and sent a text message to as many friends as it would allow (10). My message said as follows.
It looks like today is going to be another great day. Clock time 3:44.
I then walked more and more, and then finally I got to my cousin's apartment. I took a bit of a rest, and then I took the subway to Evanston, and I finally arrived back home at about 1a.m. There was an e-mail I got from Bank of America that claimed the event attracts a whopping 1,500,000 spectators. After having done that event, I suppose that that figure is possible. One memorable spectator that I saw at roughly the 17 mile mark had a sign that said to us "Release your inner Kenyan". For those of you who don't know, the last seven Chicago Marathons have been won by someone from Kenya. My first thought when I saw that was something like "Easy for you to say, jerk." So, it has been a good two months since that day. What has happened since then? I've given my body a rest. I tried to change my ways, growing some facial hair just to celebrate, working on an enormous lego set of the volkswagon beetle, etc. I am not interested in doing another marathon next year. It is my intention to move on to other things in my life. To have a healthier social life and to excel in my career. Someday, I'd like to start a family and prove myself. Having done this race, I am capable of rising up to almost any challenge that life throws at me. For those of you who think that we're nuts, you have a point. But, simultaneously, when you cross that finish line, it's a feeling unlike any other. One dissapointment that I have in my life is my academic performance at Iowa State University. During my time as a student, I was not confident in myself. It hurt my GPA, I didn't have as great of an experience as I would have liked, and that's a shame. But, more recently, I faced this challenge of 26.2 miles without even a microgram of fear. Because of this, I am more proud of my performance in the Chicago Marathon than I am of my performance as an Iowa State student. In the beginning of this post I have a quote from a man named Dave Libby. I knew Dave from work. The thing about him was that he had a striking resemblance to the actor Sean Connery. I told him that and he smiled, saying that he has heard that before. And then Dave told me that Sean Connery has probably lived a more exciting life than he has. When I look at what he said, I think to myself that I don't want to feel that way about my life. I want to have enough happy memories in my life. Call me crazy, but crossing that finish line on October 11th, 2009 will always be one of them.
Youtube video of the start of the race.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBL4elz-yi8
Monday, August 3, 2009
Untitled
God. God is Everything. Every second, Every atom, everywhere, everytime. It's God. What is God? Who is God? This is something that we wish to know. A long time ago I once learned that there are two ways of knowing something; mentally and emotionally. For instance, many people know mentally that their parents love them. After all, when parents mention that fact as many times as they do, it tends to be true. But it might be that some don't know emotionally that their parents love them. Not until they see tears in their eyes when they see you stand at the altar, or when they are not in a bad mood when one of them changes your soiled diaper. So, when I say that there are two ways to know something, mentally and emotionally, you know that I'm right. Meaning that people can know of God's existence one way, but not the other. The two "Knowings" of God's existence are so distant from one another. One is knowing from the brain, the other from the heart.
This brings up a topic called Intelligent Design. I first became aware of Intelligent Design when I had read a book called "The Politically Incorrect Guide to Intelligent Design and Darwinism." In it, the author brings up facts about this world (and to an extent, this universe) that clearly suggest an intelligent creator. Take this for example. If a vehicle started driving in Cedar Falls, Iowa and managed to reach Los Angeles, California, chances are that there was someone in the vehicle directing the steering wheel, pushing on the accelerator the right amount, pushing on the brake the right amount, etc. Surely, there was a driver, and he/she was directing the car. I know, I know, I shouldn't call you Shirley. Anyways, the driver was intelligently directing the car to its destination, just like how, I believe, God directs anything and everything to its destination. There are elements in life that scientifically suggest Intelligent Design (ID). One huge component of ID is organisms that are irreducibly complex. This type of organism has multiple parts working together that if even one part is removed, the entire system falls apart. One common example used is a mouse trap with all of its parts that together make something useful, but without, make something useless. Another example that I came up with on my own is the bicycle. Take away the bike chain, the pedals, the tires, the handlebars, whatever and you don't really have much of anything useful. The reason why a bike is in fact so useful is because someone who knew what is necessary for a bike designed it....intelligently. A well-known irreducibly complex organism is the Flagellum. It has a built in "rotor" that it uses to propel its body through the water that it swims with. Now, Flagella are microscopic, so you can imagine that they don't move very fast. But what if a flagellum were say, as big as a boat? Well, then that flagellum would swim roughly 60,000 miles per hour!!!! Holy cow! The reason why, is because the flagellum has multiple protein parts working together as an irreducible complex system. The one and only Harvard Professor Dr. Berg has referred to the organism as the most efficient machine in the universe. This is just one of many signs of ID. The aforementioned book is a great read, and I hope, worth your time. And it could very well convince you (or just reaffirm the fact) that God exists. Meaning that now you mentally know that God exists. But what about emotionally? Remember, there's a big difference. And, to be honest with you, I don't know that God exists emotionally nearly as much as I know that God exists mentally. I just wish that I had some answers on how to solve that. I mean, it's a beautiful world and I'm glad that God is looking out for me so well, but it might be that I don't feel his presence as much as I should. Don't worry, I'm working on it. Until we meet again, God Bless.
This brings up a topic called Intelligent Design. I first became aware of Intelligent Design when I had read a book called "The Politically Incorrect Guide to Intelligent Design and Darwinism." In it, the author brings up facts about this world (and to an extent, this universe) that clearly suggest an intelligent creator. Take this for example. If a vehicle started driving in Cedar Falls, Iowa and managed to reach Los Angeles, California, chances are that there was someone in the vehicle directing the steering wheel, pushing on the accelerator the right amount, pushing on the brake the right amount, etc. Surely, there was a driver, and he/she was directing the car. I know, I know, I shouldn't call you Shirley. Anyways, the driver was intelligently directing the car to its destination, just like how, I believe, God directs anything and everything to its destination. There are elements in life that scientifically suggest Intelligent Design (ID). One huge component of ID is organisms that are irreducibly complex. This type of organism has multiple parts working together that if even one part is removed, the entire system falls apart. One common example used is a mouse trap with all of its parts that together make something useful, but without, make something useless. Another example that I came up with on my own is the bicycle. Take away the bike chain, the pedals, the tires, the handlebars, whatever and you don't really have much of anything useful. The reason why a bike is in fact so useful is because someone who knew what is necessary for a bike designed it....intelligently. A well-known irreducibly complex organism is the Flagellum. It has a built in "rotor" that it uses to propel its body through the water that it swims with. Now, Flagella are microscopic, so you can imagine that they don't move very fast. But what if a flagellum were say, as big as a boat? Well, then that flagellum would swim roughly 60,000 miles per hour!!!! Holy cow! The reason why, is because the flagellum has multiple protein parts working together as an irreducible complex system. The one and only Harvard Professor Dr. Berg has referred to the organism as the most efficient machine in the universe. This is just one of many signs of ID. The aforementioned book is a great read, and I hope, worth your time. And it could very well convince you (or just reaffirm the fact) that God exists. Meaning that now you mentally know that God exists. But what about emotionally? Remember, there's a big difference. And, to be honest with you, I don't know that God exists emotionally nearly as much as I know that God exists mentally. I just wish that I had some answers on how to solve that. I mean, it's a beautiful world and I'm glad that God is looking out for me so well, but it might be that I don't feel his presence as much as I should. Don't worry, I'm working on it. Until we meet again, God Bless.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
A Great Film that I'm betting you haven't seen
This movie is one that has a deeper meaning to me than most. It is a film about people with Asperger's Syndrome. The movie is called Mozart and the Whale. It stars many actors/actresses, but the only recognizable one is the one and only Josh Hartnett. Yes, ladies, I know that you think he's cute. Anyways, the film addresses many issues that people with AS deal with. One fact is that people with AS are the way they are and they don't understand how other people perceive them. That is, until those people tell them. In the movie, there is a romance between the character Donald and the character Isabelle. These two have their difficulties concerning their condition. It is very difficult for any neurotypical person to understand people with AS, and it is very difficult for any person with AS to understand neurotypical people. But as people with AS progress over time, they are capable of fitting in to the society that they are a part of. And I am constantly doing that.
The Good: It is a very wholesome film. It demonstrates how we are.
The Bad: There is some heartbreak in the movie. There is some confrontation as well.
The Ugly: There are some really weird moments in this film. But, after about the first half hour, things are much better. There is some bizarre behavior, and it could be a turn off.
Overall, this movie had a really deep meaning for me. When God put me on planet Earth, he decided that I would be different. I have had a few challenges because of it, but I am getting there. When you finally finish the film, I truly hope that you will walk away feeling good about watching it. I know I did.
The Good: It is a very wholesome film. It demonstrates how we are.
The Bad: There is some heartbreak in the movie. There is some confrontation as well.
The Ugly: There are some really weird moments in this film. But, after about the first half hour, things are much better. There is some bizarre behavior, and it could be a turn off.
Overall, this movie had a really deep meaning for me. When God put me on planet Earth, he decided that I would be different. I have had a few challenges because of it, but I am getting there. When you finally finish the film, I truly hope that you will walk away feeling good about watching it. I know I did.
Monday, April 27, 2009
A Great Film that I'm betting you haven't seen
Well, here we go again. I will do my best to have this be monthly. This month goes to a film that made me think, and plays devil's advocate. How far would you be willing to go in order to stay in business at work? Are you willing to be drastic and absurd? Maybe even reckless? Will you lose your way with God when you do so? The movie that I'm referring to is called Network. It starts out with a news show that is going down the tubes because of its poor ratings. And then, the news anchor does something that is unthinkable. The movie delves into the issue of right and wrong. After watching the film, one must think about what's important in life.
The Good: The acting is superb, the storyline is just as great. And, best of all, it's a movie that you haven't seen.
The Bad: This film exposes some truth in showbiz. People love shock appeal in entertainment. The bad thing about this movie isn't what they show, it's that its partly true. The Saw movies, Hostel, Jerry Springer, etc. all demonstrate that people love shock appeal.
The Ugly: There is a large amount of foul language in the film. In fact, Jimmy Stewart turned down a role in the film because of that.
All in all, after you view this fine film I believe that you will have much to think about. Feel free to leave any comments.
The Good: The acting is superb, the storyline is just as great. And, best of all, it's a movie that you haven't seen.
The Bad: This film exposes some truth in showbiz. People love shock appeal in entertainment. The bad thing about this movie isn't what they show, it's that its partly true. The Saw movies, Hostel, Jerry Springer, etc. all demonstrate that people love shock appeal.
The Ugly: There is a large amount of foul language in the film. In fact, Jimmy Stewart turned down a role in the film because of that.
All in all, after you view this fine film I believe that you will have much to think about. Feel free to leave any comments.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
The Big Five
This post has a different meaning than the other posts. I felt the need for some levity, so I decided to have a comedic, laugh-out loud post in this one. The question that you have is, WHAT IN THE WORLD IS The Big Five? For a brief amount of time, I have been thinking about the days when I was a kid. Of course, when people move on over time they change, but when you're a kid, you're a kid. Now, The Big Five are the "five things that I thought were cool as a kid that I think are dumb right now." Stop right there. Hopefully, there is some excitement running through your mind right now. Oh wow, I wonder what he has in store for this. Here's another question. Have you, the reader, ever pondered this thought yourself? Well, the qualifications for The Big Five were just things that I have recalled over time that in my younger years I adored, and presently I laugh at, uncontrollably. There are of course, some things that did not make the list. I will start off with The Honorable Mentions.
The Honorable Mentions are parts of my childhood that although there may be a sufficient amount of stupidity in them, I am not embarrased to say that they were a part of my life sometime ago. I don't know if these deserve a Silver or a Bronze Medal, but either way it probably doesn't matter. Now, I shall name them off, and I will choose one of them as the Grand Consolation Victor. Because March Madness is going on right now, I guess that this will be like the NIT. A bunch of characters not good enough for the thing that everybody REALLY cares about, but hey, the winner is after all the winner. So the nominees for the Grand Consolation Victor are..........
Power Rangers
"After ten thousand years I'm free! It's time to conquer earth!" Yep. Some of you probably remember hearing Rita say those words at the beginning of every single silly show in the intro. Maybe most of you only remember the constant, senseless fighting. Especially with those clay goober men who never spoke. What were those guys called? I'm going to look it up on Wikipedia right now.....(five minutes later).....Putty Patrollers?! That's what they were called? Seriously, I don't remember that. It's just been too long since I have watched that classical tv show. The reason why this is in the NIT, sorry The Honorable Mentions and not The Big Five is because I still love the Power Rangers. I have their theme song on my Ipod. And the truth is that for those of you in my age group, chances are you watched it too. And you liked it. Moving along.
The Spice Girls
"Yo, I'll tell you what I want what I really really want." Okay that's enough. I first feasted my eyes (and of course, my ears) on the Spice Girls when they performed on Saturday Night Live. I just looked online to find out that that was in 1997. Of course I bought their cd after watching them perform, and I have been a fan of their, uhh music ever since. I actually do still listen to wannabe and Say you'll be there. Should I feel guilty for listening to this team of vocal talent? I don't know. But since I don't feel too bad about it, it's only an Honorable Mention.
Stretch Arm Strong
I never actually owned one as a kid, I just thought they looked cool.
Tether Ball
During recess when I was a kid, this was an optional activity to do. Sometimes I did try it out. Here's my question. How do you win? This was a bad idea from the start.
The movie Robin Hood with Kevin Costner
If I recall, I did manage to see this film in theaters. You have to understand. I was OBSESSED with this movie as a kid. I probably watched it 100 times. I even remember one time when I had to go to bed, and my older brother didn't, I got mad because he was watching it because I was missing out.
And the winner is........(maestro).........
Power Rangers!!!!!
You know how in the Oscars when someone wins the award for whatever work they did for whatever movie it was, the orchestra ALWAYS plays the theme song for that movie as they walk towards the podium? I guess that if anyone who worked for the Power Rangers tv show is seeing this they should play the theme song over and over and over as they walk to Cedar Falls, IA to my apartment so that I can give them the award. Or, maybe not. Here's my question to you. Did you really expect it to be anything else? Now, remember, I am not embarrased to say that I liked Power Rangers as a kid. That's why it's not eligible for the Big Five. But I do admit that it's dumb. Now onto the Big Five!!!!!!!!!
All right, let's just get right to it. I'll mention them and then I'll select the winner. The nominees are.....
Bowl cuts
I have no doubt that you all remember these. The truth is that I saw kids with these EVERYWHERE!!! ALL THE TIME!!! They looked ridiculous. I don't remember ever getting one, but as a kid I was probably toying with the idea since they were so common. What a bunch of gangsters. One thing that comes to mind about this is the famous saying from the cop in the movie Dumb and Dumber. "Come on give me that booze you pumpkin pie hair cutted freak!" No, he did not have a bowl cut, but it's almost as bad. Moving along.
Pogs
These circular pieces of garbage (POG's) have the word DUMB written all over them. And I loved them as a kid. I remember they were referenced in the movie Jack with Robin Williams. He (a ten year old) is arrested and his pogs and slammer were confiscated. Unless if I'm mistaken the intent of this activity was to hit a stack of pogs with the slammer to cause as many of the pogs to do a one hundred eighty degree turn in mid air to land on the floor thereby those are yours. Definitely, a bad idea to start with, but it sure did sell. I feel like I should look in the mirror now and ask myself, WWHHYY!?!?!? Moving along.
The Macarena
Shoulder blades, neck, hips, hips, shake your hips, and then rotate your entire body ninety degrees to your left. I don't get it. I remember that I was first introduced to this dance in seventh grade. My Mom even warned me that this dance was not going to stay popular for too long. I asked myself why.
Jnco's
What else do I have to say? These things were dumb. Unless, for some reason you need to sneak a briefcase into school, you had no need to wear one of these. Here's the worst part about it. I was thinking about getting some, and I was actually thinking about working out so much as a kid that they were going to fit me, because my legs would be that big. I don't think that I could have made my legs that big if I had simultaneously poked every single artery in my legs with a pin. Do legs have arteries? Anyways, I thought that they were cool because it would be cool to have legs big enough to need to wear those gangster garments. I am ashamed.
Super Soakers
When I was a kid, I was always interested in what the highest Super Soaker there was available. Super Soaker 3000? Forget that, Super Soaker 5000 is there right next to it. I really did like those things as a kid. And, yes, they were dumb. They always ran out of water. I recall that one function that I did use them for was to water the trees. Kind of like how a cd of the Spice Girls would make a good coaster for drinks. Hey, they're good for something.
And the Winner is.........
Jnco's!!!!!
They were dumb. And I admired them as a kid. Shame on me. No, shame on the individual who Ryan Larson was at that time. Good grief.
Well, there you have it. For those of you who took the time to read all of this, you have a very important task ahead of you right now. You yourself must choose your own The Big Five as soon as possible. This has been a lot of fun for me to tell you what the Big Five are. Let me give you an idea of how much fun it has been. Let's say that there's this little kid named Edward. Edward is outside with a super soaker in his right hand. Of course, in his left hand he has a slammer with a stack of pogs. As you might have guessed, Edward has a bowl cut. Edward is also wearing Jnco's and yes, you'd better believe it, Edward is doing the Macarena!!! I guess that Edward is standing up while doing all of this. Man, this kid Edward is a good multi-tasker isn't he? So, let's recap. Edward has a bowl cut hairdo, a water gun in his right hand, a slammer in his left hand, and he's doing the macarena in his Jnco's. I have had more fun making this list than Edward. We all know that Edward is having a blast right now, but if you can trust me, yes I had more fun making this list than the amount of fun that Edward is having right now. Because what is the only thing more enjoyable than having The Big Five all at once as a kid? The answer to that is, of course, making fun of that kid. So, I ask that all of you go out, now, and choose your The Big Five. Enjoy.
Amen.
The Honorable Mentions are parts of my childhood that although there may be a sufficient amount of stupidity in them, I am not embarrased to say that they were a part of my life sometime ago. I don't know if these deserve a Silver or a Bronze Medal, but either way it probably doesn't matter. Now, I shall name them off, and I will choose one of them as the Grand Consolation Victor. Because March Madness is going on right now, I guess that this will be like the NIT. A bunch of characters not good enough for the thing that everybody REALLY cares about, but hey, the winner is after all the winner. So the nominees for the Grand Consolation Victor are..........
Power Rangers
"After ten thousand years I'm free! It's time to conquer earth!" Yep. Some of you probably remember hearing Rita say those words at the beginning of every single silly show in the intro. Maybe most of you only remember the constant, senseless fighting. Especially with those clay goober men who never spoke. What were those guys called? I'm going to look it up on Wikipedia right now.....(five minutes later).....Putty Patrollers?! That's what they were called? Seriously, I don't remember that. It's just been too long since I have watched that classical tv show. The reason why this is in the NIT, sorry The Honorable Mentions and not The Big Five is because I still love the Power Rangers. I have their theme song on my Ipod. And the truth is that for those of you in my age group, chances are you watched it too. And you liked it. Moving along.
The Spice Girls
"Yo, I'll tell you what I want what I really really want." Okay that's enough. I first feasted my eyes (and of course, my ears) on the Spice Girls when they performed on Saturday Night Live. I just looked online to find out that that was in 1997. Of course I bought their cd after watching them perform, and I have been a fan of their, uhh music ever since. I actually do still listen to wannabe and Say you'll be there. Should I feel guilty for listening to this team of vocal talent? I don't know. But since I don't feel too bad about it, it's only an Honorable Mention.
Stretch Arm Strong
I never actually owned one as a kid, I just thought they looked cool.
Tether Ball
During recess when I was a kid, this was an optional activity to do. Sometimes I did try it out. Here's my question. How do you win? This was a bad idea from the start.
The movie Robin Hood with Kevin Costner
If I recall, I did manage to see this film in theaters. You have to understand. I was OBSESSED with this movie as a kid. I probably watched it 100 times. I even remember one time when I had to go to bed, and my older brother didn't, I got mad because he was watching it because I was missing out.
And the winner is........(maestro).........
Power Rangers!!!!!
You know how in the Oscars when someone wins the award for whatever work they did for whatever movie it was, the orchestra ALWAYS plays the theme song for that movie as they walk towards the podium? I guess that if anyone who worked for the Power Rangers tv show is seeing this they should play the theme song over and over and over as they walk to Cedar Falls, IA to my apartment so that I can give them the award. Or, maybe not. Here's my question to you. Did you really expect it to be anything else? Now, remember, I am not embarrased to say that I liked Power Rangers as a kid. That's why it's not eligible for the Big Five. But I do admit that it's dumb. Now onto the Big Five!!!!!!!!!
All right, let's just get right to it. I'll mention them and then I'll select the winner. The nominees are.....
Bowl cuts
I have no doubt that you all remember these. The truth is that I saw kids with these EVERYWHERE!!! ALL THE TIME!!! They looked ridiculous. I don't remember ever getting one, but as a kid I was probably toying with the idea since they were so common. What a bunch of gangsters. One thing that comes to mind about this is the famous saying from the cop in the movie Dumb and Dumber. "Come on give me that booze you pumpkin pie hair cutted freak!" No, he did not have a bowl cut, but it's almost as bad. Moving along.
Pogs
These circular pieces of garbage (POG's) have the word DUMB written all over them. And I loved them as a kid. I remember they were referenced in the movie Jack with Robin Williams. He (a ten year old) is arrested and his pogs and slammer were confiscated. Unless if I'm mistaken the intent of this activity was to hit a stack of pogs with the slammer to cause as many of the pogs to do a one hundred eighty degree turn in mid air to land on the floor thereby those are yours. Definitely, a bad idea to start with, but it sure did sell. I feel like I should look in the mirror now and ask myself, WWHHYY!?!?!? Moving along.
The Macarena
Shoulder blades, neck, hips, hips, shake your hips, and then rotate your entire body ninety degrees to your left. I don't get it. I remember that I was first introduced to this dance in seventh grade. My Mom even warned me that this dance was not going to stay popular for too long. I asked myself why.
Jnco's
What else do I have to say? These things were dumb. Unless, for some reason you need to sneak a briefcase into school, you had no need to wear one of these. Here's the worst part about it. I was thinking about getting some, and I was actually thinking about working out so much as a kid that they were going to fit me, because my legs would be that big. I don't think that I could have made my legs that big if I had simultaneously poked every single artery in my legs with a pin. Do legs have arteries? Anyways, I thought that they were cool because it would be cool to have legs big enough to need to wear those gangster garments. I am ashamed.
Super Soakers
When I was a kid, I was always interested in what the highest Super Soaker there was available. Super Soaker 3000? Forget that, Super Soaker 5000 is there right next to it. I really did like those things as a kid. And, yes, they were dumb. They always ran out of water. I recall that one function that I did use them for was to water the trees. Kind of like how a cd of the Spice Girls would make a good coaster for drinks. Hey, they're good for something.
And the Winner is.........
Jnco's!!!!!
They were dumb. And I admired them as a kid. Shame on me. No, shame on the individual who Ryan Larson was at that time. Good grief.
Well, there you have it. For those of you who took the time to read all of this, you have a very important task ahead of you right now. You yourself must choose your own The Big Five as soon as possible. This has been a lot of fun for me to tell you what the Big Five are. Let me give you an idea of how much fun it has been. Let's say that there's this little kid named Edward. Edward is outside with a super soaker in his right hand. Of course, in his left hand he has a slammer with a stack of pogs. As you might have guessed, Edward has a bowl cut. Edward is also wearing Jnco's and yes, you'd better believe it, Edward is doing the Macarena!!! I guess that Edward is standing up while doing all of this. Man, this kid Edward is a good multi-tasker isn't he? So, let's recap. Edward has a bowl cut hairdo, a water gun in his right hand, a slammer in his left hand, and he's doing the macarena in his Jnco's. I have had more fun making this list than Edward. We all know that Edward is having a blast right now, but if you can trust me, yes I had more fun making this list than the amount of fun that Edward is having right now. Because what is the only thing more enjoyable than having The Big Five all at once as a kid? The answer to that is, of course, making fun of that kid. So, I ask that all of you go out, now, and choose your The Big Five. Enjoy.
Amen.
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