Asperger's Syndrome

"You're a wizard Harry."
-Rubeus Hagrid

"Ryan, you have Asperger's Syndrome."
-Dr. Lelwica

So, as you can see, this is another post about Asperger's Syndrome (AS). What is so great about having AS? What is not so great about having AS? Everything. When I fully realized my condition, I found it comparable to when Harry Potter finds out that he's a wizard. Over the course of his life, he discovered some bizarre, inexplicable events, such as a disappearing glass wall, a snake that speaks to him, etc. For the most part, he brushes these absurdities off, having no clue why they happened. Then, things become clear when Rubeus tells him that Harry is a wizard. Likewise, when I was growing up, there were vast differences between myself and EVERYONE else. Something strange would take place, and I had no clue how to explain it. One of my all-time memories was Mr. Hey, our Chemistry Teacher asked us what the speed of light is. I think that he wanted us to say "It 's how fast light travels." But, I told him it was 186,000 miles per second. After he confirmed that I was right, I had a lot of weird glances in my direction. I just considered it something impressive, certainly not a result from some disorder. Another moment was my Math Teacher Mr. Mashek asked us to solve a math problem. I told him how I would do it and he looked at me and smiled. I asked him if that work, and he responded yes. And he told me in his entire 30 years of teaching no student of his has ever said that. Again, I just considered it something impressive about me. So those two events in my life were my own "glass wall disappearing" and "snake speaking" memories. Later on in life I started seeing a therapist named Dr. Mike Lelwica. After taking numerous tests, he diagnosed me with Asperger's Syndrome. Eventually, I realized that that was my own event when Rubeus Hagrid plopped down on the couch and told me that I'm a wizard. That I am different.

There is much about this subject, much of which will not be discussed in this post. One thing is that communication with neurotypical people can be difficult. I used to be very poor at making eye contact, but that is a problem of the past. Also, I don't understand very well what people's own opinion is of me. Of course, if they tell me, then that's very helpful, but besides that, things can get extremely ambiguous. These differences in me are as real as anything. Some people do not believe so. I'm not offended by that because I know that they are wrong. One of my favorite tv shows is Rescue Me starring Denis Leary. In a book he wrote, he said some harsh things about autism. This is what he said.

"There is a huge boom in autism right now because inattentive mothers and competitive dads want an explanation for why their dumb-ass kids can't compete academically, so they throw money into the happy laps of shrinks... to get back diagnoses that help explain away the deficiencies of their junior morons. I don't (care) what these crackerjack whack jobs tell you — your kid is not autistic. He's just stupid. Or lazy. Or both."

After some people cried foul, Leary apologized to any parents with autistic children. Whether he meant it is a different story. It is possible that Leary has a point, that autism is overdiagnosed and that often the real solution is to not diagnose autism. The reason why I'm not offended by what he said is because I know that my diagnosis of AS was not caused by an inattentive mother, a competitive dad (whatever that means), stupidity or laziness. My diagnosis was caused by the fact that I have AS.

Speaking of tv shows, one "relief" that I have for autism is to watch television. One thing that I really love is to analyze people's own personalities on tv, see what they are like, and then I understand people better. "SPOILER WARNING" Another great tv show I watch is The Office. One thing I have noticed about the great Michael Scott is that he has too much wishful thinking sometimes. He was completely dead-set that he would get the job replacing Jan, and that blew up in his face. Then, when Jan brought her newborn baby to work, beforehand Michael declared "This is going to be the happiest day of my life." It really wasn't. Those two events demonstrate that Michael's incompetence results in wishful thinking at times. The writers for this show, just like the writers for all shows completely get it. I also use this in my real life too. I can measure somewhat accurately, a person's sense of humor or lackthereof. I can anticipate a person's reaction to something, and it greatly helps.

Another symptom of AS that is common is the lack of "initial success." We don't do a good job of getting things right the first time we try something, whether it's something simple to do on a computer, driving, etc. At first this seems to be something that neurotypical people have as well, and that's partly true. But, Dr. Lars Perner has stated that he had to change his entire career plans because of this one silly thing. At first, he wanted to become a lawyer, and as a lawyer in the courtroom you have to know exactly how to respond in the courtroom no matter what takes place. That's not the job for Dr. Perner, or myself.

On the other hand, one of the greatest benefits of AS is an amazingly good memory. For those of you who know me, if you ever ask me to show you how many places of pi I have memorized, you will not believe what I can do. I can remember when I first met almost any and every person I know, except for my parents of course. Likewise, this helps when I watch television and see how storylines develop. It's because of this that I believe people with AS have brains that work like computers much more than neurotypical people. People with AS have a very large hard drive to store data because of their good memory. Because of our lack of "initial success" we also need to be "programmed" to do things right.

There are however, some symptoms of AS that have been stated that I do not possess. Dr. Perner mentions that he is incapable of teamwork, because of his poor communication skills. This is a problem that I used to have, but when there is proper communication in a team, I think that I am very capable of fitting in. When I did sports in high school, I only did sports that did not require "team communication." Cross country, wrestling and track are all accomplished by the individual, not the team. When I was competing, I NEVER communicated with my own teammates . However, I think that that's not the reason why I did the sports that I did. I can't sprint fast, so basketball is out of the question. I was influenced by my older brother to be in CC, so I didn't do football, and baseball is for people who are lazy. And I don't necessarily have a good excuse for soccer except that I didn't like it when I was too young. I know I ran on a tangent, sorry. Another symtom of AS is the fact that I can hide my condition. People with AS tend to have poor communication, poor speech, etc. I think that I have a healthy enough social life to seem neurotypical, which is very good.

All my life I have found certain individuals fascinating. Sometimes I read books about famous people, living or dead, just because I'm a fan. Now I didn't find out that I have AS until I was 21 years old. By that time, I had grown very fond of some well-known people. Not coincidentally, they very much fit the type of people who have AS. Let me name a few. Thomas Jefferson, Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawking, Stephen Spielberg, Bill Gates, and Sir Isaac Newton are just a few. Ironically at first, one might suggest that I was only choosing rich people. Let it be known that I have never been that interested in Warren Buffett. I'm sure that he's worth admiring, it's just that I find the aforementioned men more interesting. I hope that none of you are offended that all of the people I have stated are men. If I recall, AS people are roughly 80% men and 20% women. There is another man who fits into this category. So much so that I have read his book. He is both an interesting and simultaneously a despicable individual. His name was Adolph Hitler. Hitler wanted to be a painter when he was younger. From what I have seen and heard, he could have become a great artist. People with AS are very visual (some claim Andy Warhol had AS.) Hitler was also a daydreamer. I read his book Mein Kampf sometime ago, and when I put everything together, I do truly think that he may have had AS. The truth is that he was the most evil SOB that this world has ever seen. Why did this man who certainly had some sort of mental difficulty become a monster? More than anything, I believe it was caused due to the atrocities that he went through during his time as a soldier in World War I. It completely overwhelmed him mentally and you know what happened after that. So there have been many well-known figures who I have been interested in, and I truly do believe that they fit the type of person who had AS. Albert Einstein was able to do things with his mind that no one else could. Does that come from a mind that works just like everyone else's or from a mind that nobody understands? You make the call.

In conclusion, I would be lying if I told you that my condition of AS is no big deal. But I would also be lying if I told you that I haven't become better over time, and that I don't continue to make improvements of myself. If I had the choice to be neurotypical, I would choose to stay the way that I am. After all, no neurotypical brain will ever stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Einstein.